Do you sometimes have that feeling?
You wake up in the most breathtaking place on the planet, open your eyes and look outside the window.
And the only thought that comes to you is something you don’t want to admit, even to yourself.
It’s full of doubt. Close to resignation. It’s definitely not a positive one.
You don’t know if you even want to go out and face the world.
And travelling was supposed to be so opposite of that, right?
If you have these moments, that’s ok. You’re one of thousands of travelers who have this kind of situation.
Most of us don’t simply admit to that weakness.
I want to share three ways how I face my demons (boy, I have a lot of these) and what are the basic ideas behind leading a life that’s always on the right path.
Your ego is killing you
There are two types of activities on which you spend your time.
First type is the one that fuels your ego. You do things because somebody will praise you. You do things because everybody else is doing that (and you want to be similar). You do things to meet other people’s expectations.
You do things to feed your hunger for acceptance.
But there’s another way.
Bet your journey on processes instead.
Do you remember a moment when you’re reading a fascinating book and your mind enters the story so much, you forget about the real world.
Or when you’re in a theatre and you’re so immersed in the play, nothing outside of it exists?
Or when you sit down on a beach and stare at the sunset. You’re in the bubble of eternity.
All these situations have one thing in common. They’re focused on the processes in which your ego doesn’t exist. There’s only pure pleasure of experiencing.
Discover as many of these processes, and incorporate them in your daily routine.
Why you should stop making decisions
You know that moment when you come back home from traveling and feel more exhausted than before?
Weren’t you supposed to take a break, relax, and chill? And you’re more tired than ever before. That’s because of mental fatigue.
Your decisions don’t occur in a vacuum. It is impossible not to get influenced, manipulated, and confused, especially when we have to make hundreds of decisions per day. That’s how we usually operate. That’s what makes us exhausted.
If you want to control the path, limit the amount of daily decisions you make.
Create rituals, habits, and formulas for automation. Get rid of daily mental fatigue. Most of the time you don’t get tired physically, the problem occurs with amounts of decisions over which you’re ruminating.
My morning starts in the same manner, no matter where I am. It starts first with breakfast (if possible, muesli), then meditation, gratitude, visualization, and goal setting for the day.
First hour is fully automated. You don’t lose your ‘well-being points’ on making little decision.
Plus, you start with ease, control, certainty.
Create your daily routines. Base them on maximizing processes, rather than ego (point 1).
Can you accept unhappiness?
You know what is the biggest B-S in the history of travel?
That travel makes you happy.
Haven’t heard about a more ridiculous idea.
In the end, all happiness is based on the amount of uncertainty you’re able to comfortably live with.
For the past year I’ve been constantly on the road. I thought it would cure me from depression (and my suicidal ideas from a couple of years back).
You don’t even know how many times I’ve sat on the most beautiful beach in the world and think how much life sucks. How many times I’ve though “This travel thing is some kind of scam. This is the worst day of my life.”
The world is not here to make you happy. Don’t assume a perspective of “something should….”
Instead, get de-attached.
Understand what your brain is telling you. What do you think MUST happen in order for you to be happy? And then understand what needs to keep you in the total opposite.
We fear we might lose our dreams. That’s why we don’t reach for them, because it’s easier if they stay as our dreams, not as a failed reality.
Accept the fact that there will be good and bad. There will be moments of happiness and sadness. That it’s all just a moment in life. Embrace it. Say to yourself. “that’s OK. I’m OK to feel that way.”
Allow yourself to flow.
Delete yourself from the equation…
What are your preconceptions about how your path should look like?
I know how many ideas I had to let go of in order to become happy. I know how many times I was hesitant if I’m doing the right thing. How many times I doubted myself.
These three tricks helped me to survive the worse moments in my life. I hope they’ll be your compass as well.
Always be curious and ask questions.
What must happen in order for you to be satisfied and happy?
Identify these needs. And then delete them. Let go of them.
As soon as you do, you’ll discover the way that suits the moment best.
Maybe it will mean you have to accept getting lost.
Sometimes getting lost is the best way to finding yourself…
What lessons did you learn along the way?
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Damien Dante
Damien Dante is a writer and life-traveler obsessed with one question – how can we make the world around us a happier place.
He shows you how to live a mind-blowing life in his new book.
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What a thoughtful post, Damien! I agree with you that travel isn’t supposed to magically make you happy. I too came to that realisation while on the road, and accepting that has helped me realised that I’m the only person responsible for that.
Hey Andrea,
totally agree to you. Sometimes we demand from external things to cure our pains, while the only response to our problems is something internal – us.
But that idea tends to be a bit heavy, and seems like burden often – it’s kind of scary to think we’re responsible for everything that happens to us.
But if we get into the habit of taking control and making decisions (and we strengthen this decision muscle) – we get used to that responsibility.
Inspiring post, Damien! There are times when people need a little push to be brave. You deliver that here!!
@travelFreak – I agree – we all feel like we need a push. And sometimes that push is helpful. But what will happen when we’re in a situation when there’s no one around to push you? While traveling there are many moments like that…
That’s why in my opinion it’s crucial to be able to be brave and decide on our own – on daily basis, with small and big challenges. Cause sometimes even the most mundane and easy challenge can become the biggest obstacle.
Thanks for the reply!
Hmmm interesting ideas! My favourite piece is “allow yourself to flow” – it’s so true. So many people don’t even know what happiness means to them, that when they find it (or not), they have no idea. Thanks for sharing :)
Hey Tim,
starting with creating definitions is crucial – but let’s not forget that these definitions are just like traveling – they constantly derail, change, evolve into something else. The less you’re attached to your definition and the more you can explore it – the better! :)
Thanks for your comment!