(Why I left Dubai and won’t come back, part 1/2)
6. WOMEN are not the same as MEN
The rules were created by men in a society dominated my men. That says it all.
For example, as a woman, if you are raped, you are fucked – literally! I have read about so many cases of women that, after being sexually abused tried to seek help from the authorities, to only end up in jail for having “extramarital relations”. It’s like the fact of those relations being unwillingly held doesn’t even count. If you are a victim of sexual abuse, being a woman, there is a very good chance things turn against you, even more. Where were you ? Who were you with ? What were you doing ?
If you are raped in the UAE, you are fucked!
Polygamy is also something that places women on a different level than men. Men are allowed to marry up to 4 women, as long as he ensures to treat them equally, providing for them and their children. Up until this point, it sounds fine – having a guy that pays the bills, provides you housing… what’s there not to like? Well, not only the romantic notion of marriage is mutilated by the fact that you would have to share your significant other but, as a wife, you are objectified by the fact that you are put in the same shelf as the other wives. Somehow society tends to think that, as long as treated equally as the other women, wives would be happy. As if economic stability was all there is to marriage.
If they were to make a UAE version of the famous TV show, it would be called "How I Met Your MotherS"!!
7. CENSORSHIP – brought to you in all shapes and colors!
Worst than having someone censoring you, is being part of a society that has its media and arts auto-censoring themselves, for the sake of avoiding punishment.
If you live in Dubai and really want to know what happens there, either you read the international papers or, much better, look for personal blogs on the internet – these will probably be anonymous and have a limited life span before they get blocked, as many other websites are. But only those could give you the full scoop, as local media would never publish anything that might be considered immoral, against the Rulers or Islam, or has anything to do with sex, nudity or pornography.
Special K package in the UAE. With censoring stickers very conveniently placed.
Defamation is taken so seriously in the UAE that, I even know about the case of a guy who, just for publicly mentioning cases of poor service in restaurants and other local services at his handle “Name & Shame”, not only got his Twitter account shut down but was caught by the Police. I-n-s-a-n-e! You are not allowed to say or write anything that might be perceived as negative, no matter if true, even if you are stating facts rather than personal opinions.
When you type the URL of a website that is blocked in the UAE you will come across this unfriendly message. Blocked websites during my life in Dubai include Flickr, Skype and anything remotely controversial or erotic.
Censorship will not only influence the sources of information but, as well, the arts. In one of the first concerts I organized in Dubai a band that was playing sang the word “fuck” and I will not forget those 15mins of telling off that the owner of the venue gave me, for being afraid of the authorities that, often, attend these events undercover.
A person can live without saying the word “fuck”, no big deal. But what about all the movies that I have watched in Dubai with censored scenes? Even The Simpsons Movie had a scene censored when Homer and Marge kissed! If they can’t look at cartoons kiss (even though they have been married for the past 23 seasons…) they wouldn’t obviously allow shoots taking place in the country, when those include nudity, immoral behavior or any not-so-good reference to the country or religion.
Blog anything that the government doesn't agree with, and you're gone…
8. Those who stay in the Emirates tend to become “SO DUBAI!”
If you stay in Dubai for too long, there is a very good chance you start becoming “Dubai“. What does that mean? Things that might have not felt normal to you when you arrived, start becoming acceptable. Being part of the microcosmos that Dubai can be, it’s easy to loose touch with other realities.
Making friends in Dubai is a task! People tend to have a “come and go” mentality. Why get attached to someone when you know that sooner rather than later this person or yourself would end up leaving this place? Might as well keep things superficial and have fun, right? No wonder I have met so many people while in Dubai and stay in touch with so few of them. People would rather “network”, not hang out.
It’s easy to be surrounded by people in this city and yet, feel all alone. You party, you go out to drink, you go on weekends to Oman… but where are all of these acquaintances when you have a problem or need someone to talk to?
Already getting to know people can be frustrating. How to meet people in Dubai 101 goes as follows:
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Where do you stay?”
And BAM! You have been labeled! Specially the “where do you stay” part, says a lot about your status in Dubai. If you stay in Marina, JBR, The Palm and any other area that includes the word Jumeirah in the name, you are cool. For other places, we would need to talk further and see if you are decent material.
There are pros and cons to having a family in Dubai. The major advantage, I would say, is the multicultural society. It’s definitely key towards a tolerant behavior that a child is exposed since a young age to kids of other races, nationalities, religions and cultures. In theory, this sounds brilliant, but in practice, most young people I have met who were born or at least raised in the UAE tend to carry way too many prejudices for their ages.
Not only will they be “so Dubai” labeling others based on their differences but they will probably not understand what the words “struggle” and “hard work” mean. Most kids in the UAE have been raised in well-off families. Many would have had nannies and maids. End result: there is a very big probability they are spoiled. If you see luxury all around you, of course you don’t know what the world is really about.
Contrasts
Don’t get me wrong – not all kids are little devils in Dubai. There are, of course, great children as well. But even if you manage to raise your kid in Dubai with great morals – which is a very subjective concept to begin with – he/she will end up being a victim of a rather superficial and unequal society.
The UAE is considered the most liberal country of the Middle East. Following this, Dubai is certainly the most forward between the 7 Emirates. Comparatively this might sound good, but on it’s own, I don’t think this is good enough. In Dubai, everything lies under the surface. If you are socially and economically affluent, it’s easy to keep yourself distracted and just focus on whatever matters the most to you on an immediate level. Never go deeper than that, because it’s like moving sands…
9. If you can PAY for it, then it’s OK!
What a hypocritical society! According to Sharia law liquor is not allowed - apparently, the Quran is very clear on this. Still, all hotels and restaurants/bars attached to hotels can serve alcohol, as long as they pay high license fees – which obviously reflects in the price of the drinks. I guess they know that, without alcohol, expats wouldn’t stick around for long. But, what kind of principles are these? If something is wrong, then it should be wrong all the way. You can actually purchase drinks at specific liquor shops (provided you have a license that your employer – yes, your employer – must approve) but may luck be on your side if you are ever caught possessing alcohol outside a licensed place.
You can't but… oh wait, yes you can!
Prostitution is another field of entertainment that will give advantage to those who can pay well. Although totally prohibited in the country, everybody knows how easy it is to hire the services of a prostitute in Dubai. I hear Russian and Ethiopian ladies are amongst the most desired. In Dubai, not only is there prostitution but there is luxury prostitution – the higher end they are, the less probabilities they have of being caught, as everything happens much more subtly. Then again, if you can pay, it becomes (almost) OK.
And talking about money: how can there be charity fund-raisers when this country is LOADED?
I am pro fundraisers, in many cases, but every time I have come across a fund-raiser in Dubai I couldn’t help but wonder: why wouldn’t the government support these causes, when they have so much money?
On my first job in Dubai, I helped organizing a charity concert to raise funds for an institution that worked with special needs kids. Apparently, this organization was short on means to give assistance to all the families that had a kid with mental handicaps . All cents count towards the cause, but when the government could easily fund this kind of institution, it feels wrong to run campaigns appealing to the common people. Money shouldn’t be an issue here.
10. You can LIVE in Dubai all your life, but you’re gonna have to LEAVE
As an immigrant in the UAE, when you have a job, you are granted a resident visa that allows you to stay in the country. But what happens when you retire? Well, when your services are no longer needed, you are going to have to go.
Live in the UAE all your life and then go die somewhere else… (from http://www.dubaifaqs.com)
I have met people that were born and raised in the UAE and have NEVER even visited their countries. They feel almost local, except for this “little” detail: one day, when they retire, they will have to leave. Where to, if this place has been “home” all your life? Might as well leave when you are young and can start a life somewhere else.
- – -
Dubai offers enough distractions to keep you away from thinking about the points above. Those who think, will not talk much. You can criticize things lightly between your expat friends but, for what really matters, YOU DON’T HAVE A SAY! And I doubt that’s about to change any time soon.
Source: emirates247.com
While many Arab countries are flowering during the Arab Spring, the UAE will remain the same. Why? Because the rulers make sure Emiratis are content with their existence. At the beginning of 2012, for example, all UAE citizens (not residents) have been awarded a 100% raise on their already inflated salaries. Where else in the world would this be possible? Of course you wouldn’t want to speak up against your country or those who rule it.
Obviously, not everything about Dubai or the United Arab Emirates is awful. If it was, I wouldn’t have lived there for 4 years. But it is outraging for me to think that most people across the world still think of Dubai as some sort of “promised land” where richness and glam are awaiting you. Depending on who you are and, particularly your background, that might be the case. But: would you want to live in a place that, no matter how rich it is, still treats people like cattle? No thanks, not for me…
And you know what pisses me off the most? That some people who know well what kind of sick shit is going around them do not care, because ultimately it doesn’t affect them directly. For many, it’s “every man on their own”, no compassion, no sense of society or brotherhood. Let’s not look at ourselves too much and forget about the big picture, because at the end of the day we’re all human and we should all have the same basic rights.
Have you ever thought of moving to Dubai?
Have you been there before?
What do you think of this place?
Pingback: Why I left Dubai and won’t come back, part 1/2 | Backpack Me
you are brain washed by dirty and corrupted west if dubai employed you just shut the f**ck up if you don’t want leave.
^^^ That pretty much sums it up
“If Dubai employed you just shut the fuck up!” – this is exactly the kind of mentality that I don’t want to deal with anymore. Just because someone employs you does that mean you are stripped of your rights to comment or to simply have an opinion about them or something related to them? For me, that does not make sense. There wouldn’t be an evolution of thought in this world if everyone just accepts anything as it comes and shut up about it. We would still be living in caves if everyone was like that.
It is absolutely typical of your islamic mentality to tell a woman to shut the fuck up! That is what you do all the time in islamic countries, isn´t it? She has every right to think, say or write whatever she wants as long as she doesn´t insult anyone or break any law. Liberty of press was granted in the UK as long ago as in 1695, but I gues you do not know that, how could you?, since you are still living in the Middle Ages. And the West may not be perfect, ( of course it is not, there are a lot of things which should be improved here! ), but it is not more corrupted than your countries and only your limited and dirty mentality can think of it as dirty. At least here we enjoy human rights ( and that includes both men and women ), and civil rights and freedom. You should watch and learn, my intolerant friend; and you should also forget about religion, ( which is a mediaeval thing, by the way ), start reading, learn something about the Enlightment, Reason, Human Rights, Science, etc. It could be a good way to finally get out of that gloomy and scary Middle Ages some of you Muslim people are still living in!
Middle ages are not the same in every location on earth, while europe was stinking, Granada was shining free lady ! and go a learn some, religion is not medieval, Israel is a jewish country ! and it was made 60 years ago … so religion is rising again !
Israel is a jewish and democratic state. There is no democracy in the UAE.
Judaism is not only a religion, it’s also a nation. The secular people in Israel are threatened by the rise of the orthodox jewish and by the israeli arabs. the stupid gov is encouraging a domographic battle… :(
Because i’m jewish i can’t marry with a non-jewish, in Israel. I’ll have to marry in Cyprus. The right to marry in your own country is a human right.
Well yes, I agree that the right to marry whoever you like in your own country is very basic. But then, how democratic is your country, really?! if you can’t even marry at your own wish, then that democracy you mention is quite a failure, wouldn’t you say?
That’s a tough question… religius and democratic usually can’t be at the same equation.
The civil marriage was not an issue until recent years (maybe because Cyprus is the best solution and today we are more liberal). Today it depends on the political system. There’s one Knesset member who’s sometimes proposing civil & gay marriage but it fails because of coalition agreements with the orthodox parties.
Nowadays we are confronting some other major problems, espacially when it comes to women and religious coercion. In Jerusalem and some other ghettos, for example, it’s very common that women are sitting at the back of the bus (the same Knesset member made it stop by appealing to the high court, but it still exists). A few months ago posting a peter-pan show on the buses in Jerusalem wasn’t that easy. They didn’t want tinkerbell… eventually, after involving the media tinkerbell was shown up.
Israel has made a big step about women during the last 20 years and now the orthodox (becoming a big minority) want to ruin it.
So Israel is not 100% democratic, it’s more likely claims to be a democratic. I have no idea where’s it going thru…
p.s. Officially until 1992 Israel wasn’t democratic state.
I agree with you that “religius and democratic usually can’t be at the same equation” – in my opíniono, religion and religious fanatics tend to complicate the societies they are part of! Even when they think they are persuing a “message from above”..
I know quite a few people that went to Dubai to work in teaching although I think it was a novelty for them and they only lasted a year or two.
Most expats stay for a few years only.. It’s a time to save up money and then move on to other countries or back to their country of origin.
This is such an interesting article. Like @Angelina, I’ve know quite a few people who worked in Dubai (IT), but they’ve always come back after a year or so. It’s very interesting to hear about the status of women.
The status of women is a “funny” thing in the UAE, because of the mix of local culture and traditions (heavily based in Islam and Sharia law) and the influence of western values that come with the increasing expat population… There is such a mix of people and ways of thinking in Dubai that makes “standards” a very subject thing. Dubai has a very particular kind of society, no doubt about that!
” It’s a time to save up money and then move on to other countries or back to their country of origin. ”
That’s true. Apart from that, who would want to stay much longer in a place where there does not seem to be justice for the common people, where women seem to be cattle, where inequalities happen everyday, where ‘expats’ are supposed to be living on their own ghettos, where the high class there is supposed to know nothing about work, etc…
Wow this was really interesting. I’ve always wanted to visit Dubai, and had considered working there for awhile to save some money but I’m not sure if I’d be able to put up with being thought of as a second class citizen purely because I’m a woman.
New Zealand was the first country in the world to give women the vote, so a lot of the points you’ve made are deal breakers for me. I’d still like to visit, but when I read stuff like this, I can’t help but think that the money wouldn’t be worth putting up with that kind of life.
Hey Stacey! The truth is that it’s relatively easy to live a “regular” life in Dubai without thinking much about the above points. It all depends on how involved you are as a citizen or not, I guess. Many people go to Dubai, earn their money and don’t seem to care much about what’s going on around them. But it does get to you after a while. Then again, if you think about it only.. for some people it’s just easier to go about their business and let each person fight their own battles. Many people get blinded by their salaries and think all the negative points are worth enduring (values tend to get flaky when large amounts of money are involved..). Maybe for a while, but it’s no ideal place to be for a long time or, in my opinion, to even raise a family.
Dubai has a particular way of living , U dnt get emotionally attached over there, coz u knw for sure its a temporary place. I kinda liked the religious stance they had, particularly during Ramadan , coz I c all of them dng the same thng during the season. I’m an atheist but I loved the way everyone behaved in a similar manner during that particular season. I adjusted with it. Maybe my thinkin comes coz I lived for 4 years in there , but I liked the idea that a country stuck to its roots for a long time , in this fast changin times , and has moulded themselves into a different kind of breed when compared to the other Middle east countries. – I’d surely wanna go back nd work , but Ur blog made me think a lot , both positive nd negative. U made my day with this post :)
Thanks Phani!
What you say about not getting emotionally attached while living in Dubai stands true for many people who move there. On one side, I do understand that happening, due to the temporary nature of most people’s stay. But on the other hand, I see it as unnatural… What’s the point of meeting so many people and only stablishing shallow connections?! Particularly because you get to meet so many people from different parts of the world, I think it’s a great opportunity that should be embraced to learn things from each other, exchange prespectives, etc. Dubai is often said to have a “multi-cultural” society. I think a society is truly multi-cultural not only when many different cultures live in the same place, but mostly when they get to interact with each other and blend in… And in Dubai, I do not believe this is 100% true. Different nationalities, races, social status are still quite segregated.
On the bright side, it can only get better! ;) Thanks for your comment!
Good article – pretty much nails how I felt about Dubai after 6 years of living and working there.
It may have been good for my wallet but it was terrible for my soul!
I am now happily living in Auckland; My car is a 20 year old heap rather than a brand new SUV, I am earning about half what I was in Dubai and instead of a luxury apartment, we are still living with my in-laws whilst we get settled…
…and I couldn’t be happier.
Although I will freely admit that Dubai was great life and career experience and I made a few friends that I hope I will know for life, I couldn’t see myself ever wanting to return there. Ever.
Hi Iain!
I understand what you mean when you say that now you can live with less and be super happy! I feel the same way, but I know many people don’t when they leave Dubai or other places with inflated salaries. After earning a salary in Dubai, in most places in the world you’ll feel like the money is less… And obviously you won’t necessarilly have cheap manpower around you to work as your maids, gardeners, drivers, etc.. Like many people have in Dubai and end up getting used to!
It’s all a matter of priorities: same as you, I also prefer to live with less (material wise) and much more when it comes to personal freedoms!
Cheers!
Very interesting article. I have been to Dubai on short trips a number of times. Usually just passing through for a couple of days. But I can see all of the things you mentioned in your article.
I disagree with you about the government should be paying for charities. I prefer to choose which charities get my money and time. Which is why I contribute both money and time to the Shriners’ Children’s Hospitals. I prefer my money go towards children since they are the innocents of society.
But that’s neither here no there when it comes to life in Dubai. One thing I think you may have missed is the lack history. You mentioned how fast the city grew out of nothing. Which also means there is very little history. I think this contributes to the other problems you listed. A lack of history includes a lack of community, leading to the detached state of many people and turning a blind eye to the immoral.
Thanks for commenting WombatPE!
I think I didn’t make myself clear: I didn’t mean that the government should be paying for charities, it was more like some of those charities shouldn’t even exist! When a country is so rich, is there a need for the existence of a charity that operates to raise funds for families with special kids, for example? Those families should be getting extra support from the government directly – at least for the financial side of things, and then you could have the charities/organizations for the psychological support and the likes.
As you say, the fact that the history of the country is very recent, does contribute to the lack of sense of community. And more than the lack of history, I think is the very quick mix of cultures from all over the world. It is difficult for different cultures to work together, to form their own standards and sense of community. On the opposite, what happens is that different communities exist segregated, instead of one big community.
From here on, things can only get better! It takes time for standards to be established and I guess that must have happened too in one way or another in other parts of the world in their more recent history.
Reading your article makes me feel as if someone just recited my thoughts. I am about to leave this place for the same reasons. Gr8 work. God Bless -
I am an Egyptian, and I didn’t travel to Dubai before but got some reviews from friends and through TV, and actually I see it so artificial and fake! I know a lot of Egyptians left it and back to Cairo or other counties, they didn’t stand such hypocrisy – I guess.
There are still so many Egyptians there, Mena!
Many people would rather take the hypocrisy and pocket the money – which is understandable, as we all have to pay the bills! I did so too!
But it is indeed a rather artificial place, you are right!
Great blog, enjoyed reading it! I have been in Dubai for 16 months and had enough. Not a bad place to live but as previously said, good for the wallet bad for the soul! Take care
“good for the wallet bad for the soul!” – that is a perfect way of putting it in one sentence, Lisa! :)
This is a great blog, I can relate with everything you’ve said. It’s funny because my name’s Zara too and I couldn’t stand Dubai. I was flown out there for a job as a cabin crew with the major airline there and had my passport taken away upon arrival. It just felt like a very uneasy place to be in, I couldn’t ignore the slavery and injustice all around me. I actually ended up escaping (I only lasted 3 months there and returned to the US- my country of origin). Everyone said I’d regret my decisions but it was the wisest decision I’ve ever made. Dubai is a soulless medieval dictatorship. Kudos to you for seeing the truth about the UAE- (as MANY people don’t)
Hi Zara! Nice to “meet” another Zara! ;)
I am actually surprised that at the airline they also took your passport away upon arrival – I thought this happens mostly with contracting firms hiring laborers and mainly unskilled or uneducated manpower. Either way, that is a very bad (and probably) illegal thing to do.
I guess people thought you’d regret leaving because in Dubai jobs tend to pay well and I guess better than in the US, but fuck it… being rich isn’t everything in life, right?! Good for you!!
Its been almost a year that I have been living in Dubai, And honestly, I am having the worst time of my life in this shithole. i recomment you all, never ever accept a job here because you will live a nightmare, unless you dont care about your surroundings. guyz, these arab muslims suck badly. the society is a total mess, no fuckin freedom. fuck this shit
Sorry to read that, Mor.
If you hate it that much and you’re feeling miserable, I can only give you one tip: make a move. Figure a way and get out of Dubai.
No money or material compensation makes up for an unhappy life..
Hi,
I am so happy I found this blog, I haven’t found such an honest article before.
I have been in Dubai 3 months and feel the same way. I am in a awful job that I hate, surrounded by the most pretentious people you have ever met and they are all Western – it seems (for most people) if you stay here more than a year, you turn into a bigoted, self serving idiot, only interested in money and where you live.
I think lots of people at all levels are duped into coming here, I do earn good money and that is why I came here but didn’t know that I would be bound to a two year contract and if I choose to leave it, have to pay 6 weeks salary for the pleasure and get a 6 month work ban!
So now I am stuck, I am also tied into a years rental contract which I can’t get out of and all I want to do is go home. I am not surprised people take such drastic measures to escape, it feels like a gilded cage.
I can’t abide the fact we have a tea boy, who’s only job is to make tea and run around after people who think it’s acceptable to ask him to get a pen for them, or get their bags from the car….are we really that lazy that we can’t do that for ourselves?!
I hate that it’s acceptable to scream, shout and swear at staff, knowing that there is no HR or legal recourse.
I hate that the men that build the city aren’t allowed to enter the malls.
I hate that people feel it’s acceptable to judge others solely based on their earnings and what car they drive.
I hate that I was chosen to do my job because I am white and that I get paid 10 times more than people far more qualified than I am.
I fully accept that I should have found out more before coming here and I know that I am going to have to stay here and make the best of it but I will hate every second and long for the day I can leave.
Thanks again for the inspiring blog x
Thank YOU – I guess you know exactly how I used to feel… and from what you write, I know how you’re probably feeling too
.
Just remember that there’s always a way out, if you can compromise on some things. It depends on what’s worth it or not for everyone, at an individual level.
Hang in there! ;)
Dubai remains glowing only because of three countries – India, Pakistan, Iran. As long as these countries produce BLACK money, Dubai survives for sure. As long as Politicians, Bureaucrats, Businessmen and Underworld Kingpins amass illegal money in these countries, Dubai’s glamour will never fade, and they are getting what they want in surplus only in Dubai. Nowhere on earth they can splurge their money like this without a question. Prostitution, drugs, alcohol, gold and all other luxuries are freely available within a short travel time for Indians, Iranians and Pakistanis with a difference. If their money invested in Dubai withdrawn, within an over night, Dubai would be a barren desert again. If anyone looks at other GCC states, they can easily understand this equation. For them a perfect hideout.
What you said is very true, no one out there with guts to speak their own will. In other words, they do a perfect kowtow living there.
Very interesting article!! My male best friend just moved there and I am planning to go and visit him but I am quite concern if a girl staying with a guy will be an issue in such culture.
Thanks Carli!
If you are discreet, your stay with your male friend shouldn’t be a problem.
Be aware that if you go around and plan to stay in hotels and eventually spend the night in the same room, you might be asked for marriage proof at check in – it doesn’t happen in every hotel, but it does happen sometimes!..